Dying Embers
by bkwormalwys
Summary: Jon's on the way back to Corus after his big fight w Alanna. What is he thinking? and what is he going to do about the Lioness? My first songfic, one-shot. please dont flame me. a lil better summary inside.


Hey there…sorry bout the really, really long wait for my other fic…I'm just not very…inspired to write it right now, and I'm going through some not-so-great times. ANYWAY, this fic is about Jon thinking bout him & Alanna and what he did wrong and just saying that he's sorry. I'm sorry to say I don't absolutely hate Jon. I mean, it's not his fault he's a prince and gets everything he wants when he wants it. He just needs to grow up. I actually kinda feel sorry for him. Please don't flame me for saying this, it is just my own personal opinion. You are completely entitled to your own, but just let me have mine! Thank you.

All words in _Italics_ are Jon's thoughts. All words in **Bold** are the lyrics.

-:- Disclaimer: Character's are Tamora's…the song by Willie Nelson (yay oldies!) -:-

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He lay in his bedroll beside the embers of a dying fire in the desert, only a few day's ride from Corus. Jonathon of Conté looked up at the night sky and sighed. What had he done wrong? He was everything Alanna could possibly want, wasn't he?

_Then why did she say no? why did she so openly refuse me? It's not as if I've ever hurt her…have I?_

_I guess I haven't exactly _always_ been there for her. But I tried my best. I really did._

Maybe I didn't love you 

**Quite as often as I should have**

**An' maybe I didn't treat you**

**Quite as good as I should have**

The Prince turned over and gazed into the embers as he remembered his last few moments with her.

" _Maidenly Shyness!"_ she had yelled. "Since when have _I_ shown maidenly shyness!"

_I guess that wasn't the best thing to bring up in the conversation. But I just couldn't believe that she would ever say no…_

"That's what all women say when a man proposes."

"Do they indeed?" _Huh. And I had actually thought they did. Apparently not. She is definitely a hard nut to break. The look in her eyes…the defiance… against what? My superiority? I mean, really, I am a _man_, and, men are superior. Of course they are. But then again, I suppose she proves that theory wrong, since she can do everything I can…perhaps even better than I can, too._

If I made you feel second best 

**Girl I'm sorry I was blind**

**You were always on my mind**

**You were always on my mind**

Jon rolled over again and looked up at the sky. He recalled one time he had been with Delia… He had seen an emotion in Alanna's eyes, but he didn't know what it was then. He knew now.

_Hurt, it was hurt in her eyes. Betrayal, it should have been her all along. Maybe if I had shown her my feelings sooner, had loved her longer, she would have said yes. _

Delia had quickly swept him onto the dance floor, leaving the pesky squire Alan in the corner. Jon was the one she had needed to get, not the small page. Jonathan had gone right along with her, not even trying to get back to his squire.

_And look what happened. She didn't know that I really cared for her, she just thought I only cared for Delia. I guess that was true. I didn't know that I did either._

Maybe I didn't hold you 

**All those lonely, lonely times**

Alanna had stood there, in front of the entire court, telling his father that his nephew was planning all those murders. She didn't even flinch when Roger had demanded trial by combat.

_I was so proud of her then. But I had been scared for her too. What if Roger had won? I owe her my life…the time we had together was really amazing._

**I guess I never told you**

**I'm so happy that you're mine**

He hadn't even gotten her a gift for Beltane, or Midsummer, much less Midwinter. Of course he'd gotten her a birthday gift, but he had never tried to woo her as he had other ladies.

_She was mine though. I didn't have to woo her. She didn't_ want_ to be wooed. Had she? She's not like that, all lady-like. She's a fighter. She always had been. Maybe if I had treated her like all the other ladies, she would have said yes. Just maybe. _

**Little things I should have said an' done**

**I just never took the time**

**But you were always on my mind**

**You were always on my mind**

The look in her eyes when he had brought George into their fight…he couldn't bear it. Such a deep hurt mixed with confusion. He knew that George loved her. He couldn't blame George. Jon knew that Alanna still loved him. She'd come back. She would have to.

_I'll just give her time. She's a female. She might be a warrior and a fighter, but she is still only a woman. They all come back eventually. She's just so different then all of them though. Maybe she won't come back to me. Will she go to George? Alanna has a duty to her country and to me. She won't leave me, she has to give me another chance._

**Tell me**

**Tell me that you sweet love hasn't died**

**An' give me**

**Give me one more chance to keep you satisfied**

**Keep you satisfied**

But that would never happen. Jon knew it too. She would never love him the same way again.

_She's never going to trust me as wholly as she once did. Yes, she'll trust me, but as a monarch. Not as one lover trusts another. I have lost her forever._

Jon kicked himself out of the bedroll and stood looking down at the glowing embers.

_Just like the embers, our romantic love is dying. _He couldn't bear it. Jon kicked the empty soup can right past Myles' head.

"hmmmjawnn?" Myles raised his head groggily.

"Go to sleep, Myles." Myles just nodded his head and plopped down onto his pillow.

Jon slumped to his knees, hands clenched.

_I'll get her back. I will. I at least have to try. I can master her. She is only a mustang, even if she is wild and free. Any horse can be broken._

**Give me one more chance to keep you satisfied**

**Keep you satisfied**

_And if I cannot break her, I will beat her at her own game. I'll show her that I don't need her, that I can be happy without her. She'll regret not accepting me. She'll regret it._

Sooooo there it is! Wudaya think? Please be nice to me. I'm sorry if you don't like it, but please don't hurt me if you don't like it. I'm only human jeesh.

If u wants, review. I'm not gonna give you death threats or anything, reviews are just appreciated. They make me feel warm and fuzzy inside. . Thanks very much!


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